AUGUST 02, 2020
BEAR AND SYLVIA GET HITCHED
So anyway. The fourth month of the pandemic rages through the world. Millions have died and still we await the 2nd wave. Still, life goes on. Life is changed forever now, but life goes on. Seeing as Silvia was now in the family way and also determined to go on with it, Bear sought fit to formalize things as he always has been an hornorable if not sanitary gentleman, and so the couple went to the newly reopened county courthouse where procedures had been revised. Now, not only was there the weapons check and the scanning machines and the pat-downs, but also now the new ritual of the mandatory temperature check.
"Why are you checking my temperature to enter the Courthouse," Bear asked.
"To make sure you got non of them Corvid," said the Official.
"Corbids? I got nothing to do with Corbids," Bear said.
The two of them watched as a gnat flew out from Bear's beard, circled them both and then returned to its forested home.
"Just makin' sure," the Official said.
the process of getting married in the County of Marin has its unique hoops
After passing through that gauntlet and the guards snickering over Bear's red and blue tennis shoes, red on the left foot and blue on the right, they found the Clerk in the Assessor-Recorder Office in the Civic Center. Now the process of getting married in the County of Marin has its unique hoops through which the couple must jump. The Clerk does not usually perform the actual ceremony, but helps the couple complete an application for a permit to get married. Of course, subsequent to paying for the permit, Marinites can always pay another $54 and have the Clerk do it by scheduled appointment in the Civic Center Garden or room 234, but there will be no throwing of anything like flowers or rice. That is against the rules.
As Mr. Scuffles, the Clerk behind the glass explained, the permit is good for 60 days. You present the permit to the one officiating the marriage, typically a member of the clergy who has been deputized in another bit of bureaucratic red tape involving fees and temporary permits and all kinds of written assertions, swearing in, and attestations. Typically the minister or priest applies for several permits to perform weddings, each permit good for one wedding only, and to save money lines up a number of happy couples on a schedule to bang out one wedding after another in a sort of ecclesiastical assembly line.
Of course there is medical stuff where both of the people involved need to go get inspected, injected, detected, tested and otherwise phlebotomized in the most intimate fashion along Hipaa regulations.
No wonder people run off to Vegas to the Chapel of the Sanctified Elvis.
So, finding out it was a bit more involved Bear and Silvia filled out the forms and paid the fees and got tested and with tears in their eyes drove off into the sunset to find somebody duly deputized, authorized and sanitized, and sanctified to hold a small wedding with everyone standing six feet apart for they were in need of a witness or two.
Mrs. Bear was called down from the Hells Angels clubhouse near Weed
As it turned out Rev. Jason Arrabiata, CFSM agreed to perform the rites and so the backyard of the Household of Marlene and Andre got the wedding treatment with illegally picked wildflowers and roses from the neighboring gardens, and cafeteria chairs got borrowed from the Lagunitas middle school by Pahrump and Martini who employed his lock-picking skills well. The chairs got all placed six feet apart with markers and, since clearly all of this took some preparation what with blood tests and all, Mrs. Bear was called down from the Hells Angels clubhouse near Weed. And seeing one of their Bro's was getting hitched, even though Bear had always been an Independent Biker, his mom was a Daughter of the Regiment so to speak and so she had quite the entourage down Highway 5. They camped out in the empty corralled area off Central Avenue and there was nobody that was going to tell them no. In fact the rowdy crew caused a small Valley economic boom with buying beer and ice at the market along with supplies, and eating at the At Swim-Two-Bird cafe and the Indian restaurant in Lagunitas.
Wisely, Marvin the County Sheriff made himself scarce for a few days. And a couple days was all it took.
both of Silvia's parents were Locust Valley denizens
The two flower girls, Aisling and Jasmin, were the neighbors who had first greeted the motley crew a few years ago as they had stumbled shipwrecked and lost into the Valley. Bear's mom led him up the aisle. Since Bear's sire was an unknown cipher and both of Silvia's parents were Locust Valley denizens of New York who had long ago disinherited their wayward daughter and certainly would not have approved of much of anything, Andre stood in as token Father of the Bride. Denby then provided the music. The Congregation took their seats. Among them were Pahrump, Sarah, Tipitina, Occasional Quentin wearing a bowtie, Wootie Kanootie the moose tamer, Little Adam with Marlene, Xavier, Pedro, Piedro, Suan, Jesus Contreras, Snuffles the bum, Februs the hamster, Marvin of Marvin's Merkins, Ms. Morales and Mr. Ramirez along with their family addition in a bassinet, Suzie Maldonado the bartender at the Old Same Place Bar on the Island, neighbors Gruffman, Tink the crazy man and Missy Moonbeam. Since their business, A Touch of Wonder, had been closed for four months, Borg Rubbitsom attended along with Betty and Brunhilde. Mancini took photographs.
Also from the Island were Malice Green and Latreena Brown, bickering as always. Kid Viper, the boxer showed up along with Pimenta Strife, who figured the nature of weddings always presented good opportunities for sexual conquest.
Ms. Larch, leading a service dog terrier named Savage on the leash, appeared on the arm of Larry Light who quickly found ample opportunities in Marin to expand his organization Pushy Peoples Anonymous.
Lionel, owner of the hotdog stand, the Pampered Pup showed up along with Maeve and Jackie from Jaqueline's Salon.
Missing were any members of the Angry Elf gang, but then, all those creatures had been described to the Hells Angels and those boys were sure to treat any intrusion with Ultraviolence.Grump hefted his short baton and rumbled, "Where's this Neal Sh**H**d? I'd love to meet him."
It is enough to dispense with reporting the usual apologias and speeches. Every wedding is the same in that all of that stuff is entirely forgettable.
Well, so it turned out to be a larger affair than either Silvia or Bear had anticipated. The Hells Angels. The entire Household. Many friends from the Island. Many neighbors.
So anyway. The moment came after Jason had arrived in his vestments, which consisted of a plain shirt, a metal colander for a helmet, a pasta twaddler in his right hand and the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in his left and had delivered his Sermon.
Let's mercifully skip the Sermon. "Okay now, I now pronounce you Man and Wife. You may now remove your masks and briefly kiss the bride."
A tremendous cheer went up that was so loud the entire Valley heard it.
The passionate kiss went on a bit longer than usual, and Jason had to intervene to disperse the multitude and get things going. "All right now. All right now. Let's get on with it so we can fall to at this marvelous buffet."
Fortunately the Weed chapter of the Hells Angels saw the situation and so forked over cash from a kitty to pay for catering, which is one thing that can be handled with appropriate social distancing and special sneeze guards for the tables. The caterers stood behind the guards, the people pointed at what they wanted and the plate got slid underneath the slot.
A number of incidents took place and in the repost we will talk about the wrestling match and the honeymoon at the At-Swim-Two-Birds and the actions of Mrs. Bear which caused some embarrassment.
The night fell and cooled the heated air of the day which had reached the low 80's. To the northwest the comet Neowise appeared among the stars, which since the closure of so many industrial activities had become even more pronounced. The Editor, who also had attended these festivities returned to his office to work. On his desk he had a death report of a worker due to COVID-19. And today he had witnessed the beginning of new life with rumor of yet another new life in the works. Got a bun in the oven so to speak.
There would be no Little Editor to whom to explain Strunk and White
His own life had been without issue and there was some regret about that. But now the window had slammed shut. There would be no Little Editor to whom to explain Strunk and White and why it is important to get things right. So he was left to his monkish existence.Trying to provide a path to others for their own apotheosis. Trying to create the monad of one unification with the Essential, for lack of a better word. Doing all for Company, since he was entirely alone in the muttering darkness, hung all around with the black curtains of night. Once again he took his blood pressure. 158\95 - 69bpm. There might be a like mind out there beyond the pool of light cast by his desklamp, but he was fast running out of time.
The train horn keened from Oaktown across the estuary to echo off of the embankments of the Island and then wend its way through the redwoods of Marin's well-matriculated hills and slid over the sleeping bulk of Princess Tamalpais following the old, forgotten railheads that once led along Sir Francis Drake Boulevard to the coast, stirring the coyotes who began to howl their evensong which carried forth on the winds over Fairfax and White's Hill, ululating through Silvan Acres and the mist-shrouded niches of the San Geronimo Valley, coursing with faint gray shapes along the ridge-tops through the drifts of fog beneath the comet Neowise to an unknown destination.