JUNE 9, 2020
JAVIER'S BIRTHDAY AGAIN
So anyway.
Javier had his annual birthday celebration amid coronavirus lockdown and we enjoy as of this evening the annual Summer solstice, also amid the virus lockdown.
The folks who had been living in the quarantine sheds at the Household finally emerged, pale, emaciated, with lingering health issues. As the contagion had seized members, the remaining members still hale and capable built sheds for people to self quarantine out in the back yard and Marlene had taken to delivering food supplies once a day to each shed, and Pahrump had taken to removing the chamberpots to empty into the lime pit he and Martini had dug with an excavator borrowed from a neighbor.
It is Marin and some people just happen to have excavators stashed in their garages. Toys for one-off projects.
So anyway again. Javier held an outdoor BBQ will everyone appropriately socially distanced and wearing masks save when sipping Tijuana Mules, a sort of potent tequila and vodka concoction that was deceptively fruity. The Vietnam era 188 howitzer they had rescued from the ruins of the Island yard sat there with its muzzle pointed up at the ridgeline.
Given the circumstances, it seemed highly unlikely that any of Javier's former girlfriends would show up to cause havoc as in years past. In fact the local ER's did not stock up on supplies in anticipation of a bloodbath as usual, figuring the pandemic would dampen ardor. Highland had its own issues with which to deal on account of the pandemic and Marin General had not yet experienced a total Javier Birthday, so they were caught unprepared.
So Pahrump was grilling up some vegan bratwurst and patties when a group of women stormed into the yard. There was Miriam and Sharon and Anna and Diane and Roberta and a couple of others all together and all armed to the teeth with weapons.
"So wussup," Jose said.
"Javier must decide which one of us he must marry and then carry his children," Miriam said. "And there are another ten of us following along on the bus from San Rafael who must have their say."
As the bus from San Rafael discharged its covey of angry women, all talking about how they would collectively emasculate the man should they not get satisfaction, Javier ducked under the picnic table as Martini loaded a shell into the 188 and set it off to the sound of a deafening KABOOM. A house high on the ridgeline above San Geronimo burst into flames and a PGE helicopter that was inspecting the lines up there took notice. Pretty soon the sound of fire engines filled the air and things got very busy with yet more helicopters.
At the Household Jose tried to intervene to keep the peace and Miriam cold clocked him with a hard right cross that brought him down to his knees.
Everyone was screaming and running every which way and chamberpots at the doorways of sheds that needed to be emptied got overturned. Denby stood up and asked that this whole situation get resolved peacefully, and in answer, Anna kicked him sharply in the balls and so down he went as well.
Suan got into a fistfight with at least three former girlfriends and managed to disable two before being brought down by a sidekick from Hope, who had driven all the way from Nevada for the occasion.
Marlene and Tipitina used kitchen cutlery and pan lids to defend themselves in a retreat to the house porch until Samantha, wielding a scimitar, sliced the cords of all the Teflon balloons, to send them into the powerlines, which called the Sheriff's department, who arrived in several cars with lights and sirens.
In escaping, Samantha ran past Occasional Quentin whom she tried to skewer, but as he dodged she split the door frame instead and so ran off, leaving Quentin to sob all by himself.
At the end of the day, the fire on the ridge was extinguished, the 188 howitzer was confiscated with its ammunition along with several swords, daggers and pistols, and Javier escaped once again into the woods. Marin General's Trauma Unit took charge of the several wounded and learned about this annual occurrence to its dismay.
"You mean to tell me this sort of thing happens every year?" asked the DON of the badly burned Jose on whom one of the women had used a blowtorch and gasoline.
Jose answered affirmatively.
"How long has this been going on?" asked the Doctor.
"About 21 years." Jose said.
"I want this sort of thing to stop in my District! Effectively immediately!" shouted the doctor.
"Sir, if I could have done that 20 years ago, I would definitely have done just that. I do not like being burned like this each time! Please speak to Javier and tell him to stop chasing after these incendiary women."
On the Island several Junteenth celebrations took place with considerably less bloodshed and horror. Same for other locations around the Bay. Junteenth commemorates the day that Union troops landed two years after the Emancipation Proclamation at Galvaston Texas to announce that all former slaves were henceforth and forever free. And so the furthest corner of the United States finally got the news absent anent telegraph and telephone and radio.
Finally, the Island Coven gathered at Crab Cove for the annual observation of Summer Solstice as did the Marin Coven at the hilltop maze looking out over the Mount Tam Watershed.
Eunice the moose did not attend this year for she and her herd had been quarantined up in Marin on account of the Coronavirus outbreak.
Nevertheless, candles were lit, prayers were offered, songs were sung and homage to the seasons presented. And Missy Moonbeam stepped out of her back porch to fling off her robe and dance the dance of Summertime, entirely naked and bathed by the beneficent glow of the moon.
