SHRUBB ON THE STATE OF THE WAR

APRIL 30, 2005

 

President Shrubb, currently stumping around the Bay area by thumb and by coach on behalf of his Rabbit Heads program that would replace food stamps, SDI, and all local restrictions upon loitering with a special Food for Bums initiative paused his busy schedule to give a rare press conference. When pressed on details of the program which has remained vague and without clear distinction until now, Eugene Shrubb stated that rabbits are a proven food source and that male rabbit brains, or grist from hares, are unequivocally nutritive. He had some difficulty pronouncing the latter words and so quickly moved to the next topic. which proved to be the Occupation of Newark California by the Army of Bums.

Shrubb was happy to report that attacks upon the Occupation Force have declined to a record low of 40 per day, indicating that the resistance was practically broken and an end to semi-major operations was just about ready for another photo op on a big ship. Next question.

When a reporter mentioned that the present rate of spending would totally bankrupt the entire County and render senior retirement untenable, Shrubb chose the opportunity to unveil his Economic Initiative to Smash New Deal Ideas with a powerpoint presentation.

When asked to clarify this concept a bit more, Shrubb responded with the phrase, "Arbeit macht frei."

When asked to comment on the recent death of the Pope, considered by many to be an important political figure, Shrubb proudly unveiled this tattered photo of his meeting with the pontiff three years ago.

The Conference closed with special meal of stew made from hare's brains served up to the Press Corps as a thank you for being so nice to the President, who often has trouble pronouncing words.

 

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